The first thing that comes to mind when you think of a mom is that of an eternally nurturing, patient, self-sacrificing woman who cares only about her children, home and husband in that order.
Another image is that of the perennially stressed woman with messy hair wearing shapeless sweatpants, chauffeuring her kids across soccer games, piano classes and swimming lessons.
These depictions may seem like stereotypes, but if you dig deeper, they’re quite close to reality. No matter how much the world has changed and gender roles have blurred, there’s still a social burden that moms across the world carry on their tired shoulders.
Moms: Examining The Stereotype
Traditionally, in most countries, a mother was expected to be the primary caregiver who didn’t have a formal career of her own. Her role was mainly to clean and maintain the house, cook, do the household shopping, and look after the needs of her husband and children.
If she did work, it would be in a job that didn’t interfere with these requirements - she could be a seamstress, teacher or hold a minor clerical role in a bank or other institution that closed shop before the kids came home.
It was seen as a mom’s job to instill values, and provide emotional support for the family. While it is true that some women today do choose to stay at home and focus on child-care and the spousal bond, it still means that they fail to prioritize themselves enough.
For parents, watching their children grow, giving them the best that they can, feeling that sense of achievement and purpose in life can be immensely rewarding. But it also means that you constantly put yourself and your needs on the back burner. You confuse quality time and quantity time, not realizing that attending to your duties 24x7 may not give you the outcomes you expect. Whenever you take a moment away from being “mom” you’re overwhelmed by guilt, and fail to understand that being a better person yourself makes you a better parent.
What Is Self Care?
Self care is very different from being self-centered, selfish or self-indulgent. It means that you consider yourself equally worthy of time and effort, and that you have needs, hopes, aspirations, talent and intelligence that must be nurtured as well.
Self care gives you the motivation, energy and stamina to continue to live the best life you deserve. If you are constantly in a state of stress or high alert, dealing with poor time management, lack of sleep, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, depression, social and emotional isolation, have no time or space to reflect, there’s no way you can fulfill your role as a mom. Your loved ones deserve the best version of you, and that’s not happening when you’re in non-stop Fight or Flight mode. To get out of this mode and de-stress, you can find some great self care ideas at Rest & Digest. It is a wonderful resource for all things relating to wellness and relaxation.
Caring for yourself means that you are mindful of your physical, emotional, mental, social and environmental ecosystem, and you are comfortable in negotiating all these spaces. The other aspect of self care is that it is an evolving practice. The kind of care you give yourself at 20 or 30 has to be very different from what you need when you’re older.
7 Self Care Tips To Help Busy Moms Relax
- Set Boundaries: Plan a certain time of day exclusively for yourself, and let your family and friends know about it. This is your Me Time, and it is sacred. Unless it’s an emergency, stick to the planned time, and make real plans about what to do during this time. It could be anything from 15 minutes to a couple of hours, every day or once a week. Make reliable arrangements for the kids and learn to say a firm but kind No when needed.
- Eat, Exercise, Sleep: However hectic the schedule, eat your meals on time and drink enough water. Check with your physician if you need vitamin, calcium or iron supplements. This needs proper planning, so work on a weekly menu, and farm out chores. Never compromise on exercise that’s appropriate for your health status and age. Get a friend or spouse to join you and make it a fun activity. Walks are great to unwind. Your sleep time is non-negotiable, so get the right amount of sleep. Switch off your phone and avoid watching horrifying crime shows before bedtime.
- Baby Steps: Don’t try to do too much all at once. Make minor changes in your regular routine that will slowly extend to longer periods. Tell that garrulous friend who gets on the phone with you for hours that you’ll call her later. Get older kids to help you with minor chores, listen to the music you love or an interesting podcast while you’re doing the dishes. Crunch big tasks into smaller chunks and get a little done each day till you’re finished.
- Look and Feel Your Best: There’s no need to look shabby or unkempt just because you’re an at-home mom. If you don’t have time to visit the salon, check your local directory for home beautician services. Avoid slouching around in oversized sweatshirts or baggy shorts. Get the best beauty products you can afford and have a regular skin/hair care routine. Join an online yoga or dance class.
- Journaling: Carve out a few minutes each day to write down your thoughts, feelings, fears, joys and accomplishments. Gift yourself a Bullet Journal kit and keep aside some time for this activity. It helps you to practice mindfulness and gratitude. Writing things down often puts things in perspective and you can get the load off your mind.
- Self Affirmations: First thing in the morning, when you face the bathroom mirror, give yourself some positive vibes. Smile at yourself and tell that person in the mirror they look great, they’re smart and they’re happy. You can also listen to or read positive affirmations that help you to kickstart the day and get it right.
- Social Media Detox: As a homebound mom, you could get overly dependent on social media, because it seems like your only window to the outside world. But studies show that social media has a way to make you feel depressed, inadequate and even more stressed. People are rarely what they seem like online, and you could be drawing negative comparisons with their lifestyle, appearance and attitudes. Stay in touch with those who matter and keep your social media interactions to a minimum for your own peace of mind.
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